The fight within
by Elsie Brontes
Summary: Edmund's inner struggle of life, betral and growing up. New and revised
1. Prologue

Prologue

I sat in the darkness. It was so cold.

I was thirsty but the only water I was given was frozen solid.

So this is how I was to die…cold and thirsty.

I wondered if it would hurt.

What had I gotten myself into?

She had acted so nice. Now I saw her as she really was…cruel!

I took out dad's picture but I couldn't look at it, at him.

I felt like I had betrayed him, but I had!

I had betrayed my family and there was nothing I could do about it.

I was a traitor!


	2. Chapter 1

Gone

Rain beat steadily on the roof. I could hear Susan and Lucy finishing up the dishes. Giggling and laughing. They were probably playing in the bubbles and having a good old time. How could they just go on like everything was normal? I don't think things can ever be normal again. Dad had been gone only two weeks, but it already felt like years.

Why did the Germans have to start this stupid war any ways? Mum was always worried now and almost never smiles like she used too. The bombings were getting more frequent, and she never let us leave the house except for school. I don't know how much more I can take.

To distract myself I keep reading. The laughing made hard to concentrate so I tossed my book down onto the floor and looked around the room.

On the coffee table the chess set stood unused and getting dusty. Dad and I used to play on rainy evening such as this one, but had not been used since the day that dad had gotten his draft letter.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. Mum and dad had stayed up all night talking. The letter had said that he had a week to get ready and say his goodbyes and now he is gone.

I glanced at the bookcase, it contained many books different titles all of which he loved and read over and over again. Realizing he may never read them again.

Snapping out of my daydreams, I heard mum telling the others goodnight.

I stood for a while and then headed up the stairs. As I reached our room I spotted Peter sitting on his bed reading. Not wanting to disturb him. Grabbing my pj's and headed to the toilet, but of course Susan beat me again.

Downstairs I heard mum tuning off the lights and getting ready for bed. It would be 10 or 15 minutes Susan would finally decide to emerge. So I decided I would read while I waited. When I reached my room I remembered that I had left my book downstairs. Deciding to go get it, I threw my pj's onto my bed I headed downstairs.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs I was greeted by darkness. I made my way slowly down the hall not wanting to stub my toe.

When I reached the sitting room I started crawling around on the floor looking for the book until the whole house was shaken. I was so startled I hit my head on the coffee table. Then heard that too familiar whine of the air raid siren. Forgetting the book I walked over to the window. There was another explosion; the house shook and I almost fell over from the force of a bomb that must have hit close. I lifted the curtain to see whose house had fallen victim to the Germans planes this time and the survivors that had escaped before their house became a death trap.

I heard mum yell for me to get away from the window. When I didn't move she came and pulled me away. She pulled me toward the kitchen where we found Lu, Peter, and Susan waiting there. Susan had her arms full of blankets. On top was a flash light and she was trying to sooth Lu who just stood there looking like she might faint from the fright with her arms wrapped around herself. Peter was searching franticly through the drawers for another flash light. Which he pulled one presently from the drawer when found.

We ran out toward the bomb shelter—bombs were exploding everywhere. Halfway there I remembered the picture of dad was still in the sitting room and would be destroyed if I did not get it.

Thinking of nothing except that I couldn't let be ruined (It might be the last memory we have of him.)I turned around and yelled over my shoulder, "DAD!" Hoping they would understand and keep going.

I ran back through the house which shook harder with each explosion. I reached the sitting room and it was within my reach when I was tackled to the floor by Peter. A bomb went off, and shattered the front window. I grabbed the picture that was now on the floor. The glass that used to cover it was shattered and it cut me, but it didn't matter. I could not have let it be destroyed.

We ran through the house and back toward the shelter the bombs were ever closer now with every earsplitting explosion the ground shook harder. Peter pushed me down into the shelter and yelled, "What do you think you were doing! You could have got us both killed!"

I just sit there I could not think of anything to say. Why did he have to be like that? He didn't have to come back after me. After he was done yelling he slammed the door and we were enveloped in darkness.

It was so stuffy and hot in the shelter. I could hardly breathe. Ever two to three minuets a bomb shook us and all we could do was sit there in the dark and wait. After a few hours I heard them one by one drifting off to sleep. I heard the rhythmic breathing of Lu, and mum, the soft ladylike snores from Susan and the louder ones of Peter.

But I couldn't sleep. Very faintly I could hear a distant explosion as the rest of London was being destroyed. I sat in the darkness and wondered what would become of the people whose houses were just destroyed. I wondered if any had died or if everyone had reached their shelters safely. It was so depressing. With every bomb another home or business was destroyed. Our small town of Finchley would never be the same again.

As I sat in the darkness all kinds of questions were rushing through my head. It must have been hours later that I finally heard someone stir. It was quiet now; the raid was over. Sunlight poured in blinding me. After I grew accustom to the light I grabbed the picture of dad and crawled out of the shelter.

I looked around outside: a few houses down the street were gone, only piles of rubble remained. I headed to the house maybe I could get some sleep before anyone else woke up. I entered; not much was different. I knew more than the sitting room window was probably gone. Too tired to investigate now I made my way to the bedroom and collapsed on my bed where drowsiness overtook me instantaneously.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Hours later I was jolted awake by Peter pulling me out of bed. "Just like you—you little beast," he said looking at me like he wanted to kill me.

"What did I do?" I asked blinking and rubbing my eyes (not being fully awake, I didn't quite know what was going on) I saw Susan enter our room clearly distressed.

"We've been looking for you for hours. Didn't you hear us calling you?" she said, "Peter didn't think you were in the house because he was the first one up and he came into the house to clean up. He didn't think that he hear anyone come in."

I was bewildered, had I slept that long? I looked at the clock, it was noon. I didn't intend to sleep that long, it's just they didn't know that I had only slept for five minutes last night.

As Susan explained mum and Lu entered our room. Lu looked like she had known the whole time where I was and wasn't worried a bit. Mum just looked relieved but also very tired. I was sorry that I had caused so much trouble.

"I'm sorry it's just..." I started to explain but Peter cut in.

"Ed, it would take someone like you to do such a thing like this," said Peter, "Bet you thought it would be a good joke."

"No...I...I," I didn't quite know what to say to this, that had been the farthest thing from my mind. It was then he spotted the picture.

"Why do you have this? It doesn't belong in here!" He sneered as he grabbed it. "Just because you 'saved it' doesn't mean that it's yours now. It belongs to all of us."

I looked at him in disbelief. How could he be so thick? He just thought of my as some immature little kid and I hated it. When would he treat me like an equal? After all I am almost 13! He even treats Lucy better than me and she is only 9.

"We all miss dad not just you so stop moping around and get your act together! You're making us all miserable." After that he stalked out of the room.

Everyone stared at me. Unwilling to let them see the tears in my eyes I turned around and folded the pj's I had thrown on my bed last night when I went to get my book. Mum walked over and put her hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"It is getting to dangerous here and I was told that all children are to be sent to the country." She said.

I looked at her but didn't say anything.

"Edmund I know how much you miss your father but try to make the best of your summer and try and get along with your brother and sisters," after she said that she left me.

I sat down on my bed. I was feeling completely rotten. Dad left mum is sending us away. I felt like I was going to have the most rotten summer ever. Plus I knew that I was going to feel like the odd one out.

As I was sitting there Susan entered and sat down next to me.

"Don't let Peter get to you," she tried to assure me.

"It's kind of hard not to let him," I said.

"Come on Ed, now is when we need each other the most," I could tell she was trying to cheer me up but it was not working.

I was silent. I wanted her to go away I wanted to bury myself in a book and never stop reading, to shut the whole world of bombs, airplanes, and Peter out of my life. I knelt down on the floor ignoring Susan again and I started digging under the bed for my trunk.

"I know it doesn't seem like it but Peter is just trying to help. Won't you just give him a chance?" She pleaded to me.

"Well he's not helping at all! He didn't even..." She cut me off.

"Just know he's trying," she said as she stood to leave.

Why was she taking his side? She used to stand up for me instead of Peter. I pulled out my trunk and slammed it on the bed, pulling out clothes from my drawer and started shoving them in; along with my pen knife, yoyo, and sketch book. Then I remembered the book I wanted to read but never gotten it from the bookcase last night. _"Might as well take that too,"_ I thought shoving another pair of pj's and my bathing suit in the trunk. I headed once again downstairs.

Reaching the sitting room I saw that the window had been boarded up. I walked over to where I left book I was reading but it wasn't there. Peter must have put it in the bookcase. I pulled it out and turning around I saw dad's picture back in its place. Without thinking I slipped the picture out of its frame and ran back upstairs shoving the book and picture in my trunk I slammed it shut. What was Peter going to do about it now?

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Mum woke us up early the next morning. We ate Breakfast silently as mum packed us lunches. After Breakfast we packed our trunks into a cab and headed to the train station. As we drove away I looked back at the house wondering if I would be there when we got back.

When we got to the train station Peter checked on our train and said it was on time. Now it was time to say goodbye. I didn't want to do to! All I wanted to do is jump back in to the cab and ride home. Maybe I could hide in the bomb shelter and steal food from the kitchen when mum was out.

As I watch the others tell her good bye. I couldn't see how they could take it. They all smiled (or tried to) and let her kiss them and hug them like they were going to camp: not leaving there home to go to some stranger's house, to live for who knows how long. When she reached me she hugged me but I pushed her off. I didn't want her to hug me I might cry and that was the last think I needed was Peter teasing me for bawling! Besides it will just be like telling her that it is alringt that she is sending us away but it's not.

Finally, mum finished telling us to be good, mind our manners, and all of those things that go without saying. What does she think we are, dolts? Finally we were moved along with a long line of other children. Some of the people that were taking tickets and tried to make us go faster by pushing us along.

Being annoyed with myself for not saying good bye to mum, and being tired already I snapped at them to stop touching me. I did not exactly want to be handled by everyone. It was not my fault we were moving so slowly.

Finally, on the train I strained to see mum out the window; as the others crowded around me I could only get my arm out the window to wave. After we could not see her any longer or should I say they could no longer see. Peter led us into a tiny compartment, which already had two other children.

After putting the girls trunks and his own on the rack Peter then reached for mine, but there was no way that I was going to let him. I was old enough—I'm not a kid anymore. I jerked it away from him, and with some difficulty I got it up on to the luggage shelves. I then settled down with my book and prepared myself for a long ride.


	3. Chapter 2

No More Civilization

I awoke as the train came to a halt. I looked out the window to see a platform with a bench, and nothing else.

Oh great not only had she sent us away, but she has sent us to the middle of nowhere.

We collected our bags and exited. As the train rumbled away I thought, "There goes civilization."

Just then an automobile drove up and Lucy ran to meet it. We followed close behind it only honked and drove past. If I had not followed her I would have laughed.

"The Professor Knew we were coming!?" Said Susan (though it sounded more like a question than a confirmation).

"Maybe we were incorrectly labeled," I said not realizing how stupid that sounded until after they all looked at me like I was crazy.

Just then a carriage or should I say a small cart came over the hill. A rather grouchy looking lady was driving it.

"Mrs. Macready?" asked Peter uncertainly.

"Will we be plowing fields then," I asked innocently. As Peter elbowed me and Susan frowned. I was just trying to be funny. I guess nothing would make them cheer up so I decided to keep my mouth shut. We all climbed into the cart and were soon in sight of the biggest house I ever saw.

"Wow it looks almost like a castle! Do you have any dungeons?" I asked forgetting about keeping my mouth shut.

She didn't answer just gave me funny look.

Once inside she began a whole list of things we were not to do. I only caught the last few things on the list like there will be no shouting and no running because I was too busy thinking about dungeons.

Just then Susan reached up to touch an old looking statue and Mrs. Macready yelled, "and no touching of the historical artifacts!" I could see Susan flinch as Peter and I shared a smile. He was actually acting pretty decent to me ever since we got off the train since he hasn't talked to me.

We finish our tour and she led us to and older looking hall. "These will be your rooms, this one is the boys room," she said leading us into a not to small not to large room. I plopped my suite case down on the bed closest to the door, and threw myself down next to it. I heard Mrs. Macready in the next room getting the girls settled, as I dosed off.

Peter shook me awake (rather roughly) saying it was time for dinner, and that I needed to wash up. I got up, not willingly, and rummaged around in my trunk for my soap I headed to the toilet to wash up. After that I felt very much refreshed I headed to the girls room where I thought that everyone was waiting for me, but it was empty.

So, swallowing my anger and annoyance I took off alone.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Of course it would be raining," I groaned as I took a glance out the window.

"Oh Cheer up Ed we have a wireless and lots of books," said Susan.

"A wireless and lots of books! I wanted to go exploring today," could this morning get any worse.

"Shut up Ed, Susan's only trying to help." Said Peter.

Now I knew it was going to be a long day I thought as I pulled out my pen knife and started to carve on the bottom of chair that looked to be a hundred years old.

"Well do you have any other suggestions then?" asked Susan picking up a very large book, opening it, and starting to scan down the page.

(30 minutes later)

"Gastro vascular," said Susan.

"Come on Peter gastro vascular," she repeated, fishing for an answer.

"Is it Latin?" He asked rolling his eyes.

"Is it Latin for the worst game ever invented?" I asked with a sarcastically smirk. _"Whoops!"_ I thought as she slammed the book shut with a thud.

Lucy who had been looking out the window walked over and asked, "We could play hid and seek?"

"But we're already having so much fun," Peter said as Susan glared at him. "Come on Peter please!" she pleaded in her most pathetic voices.

Peter sighed, "1...2," He started to count.

"What!?" He had to be joking. I got up and slammed my knife on the table and ran out of the room franticly looking for a hiding spot maybe this would be fun after all we had not played this game in ages. I just couldn't tell that to Peter.

I ran through passages and up stairs until I saw Lucy was about to go it to some curtains. I pushed my way in and pushed her out of the spot.

"I was here first," I said knowing that she would be to good natured about it to argue about it, besides she could find a good hiding any where it was not so easy when you got bigger and could not fit into small places.

She gave me an annoyed look but kept looking. It had only been a few moments when, she ran back shouting "I'm back, I'm all right."

"Shut up he'll hear you," but it was too late. He had all ready found us.

"I don't think you two have quite got the idea of this game," He said.

"Haven't you all been wondering where I was?" she asked.

"That's why he was seeking you," well there's a dummy for you.

Just then Susan came and asked, "Does this mean I win?"

"I don't think Lucy wants to play anymore," said Peter looking worried.

"But I've been gone for hours," she started, "There is a wood in the wardrobe, and I met a faun, and we had tea, and everything."

Peter looked puzzled, and Susan looked worried, and I just thought she had lost it.

"What do you mean Lu?" asked Peter, "What is this about a faun, and tea, and a wood?"

"Come and see," she cried disappearing down the hall.

"Balmy!" I shook my head, "just Balmy!"

"Shut up Ed there might be something wrong with Lucy," said Peter giving me his death glare.

"Well, if there is a wood inside a wardrobe it isn't my fault so you needn't go on so about it," I snapped as we headed in Lucy's direction.

When we reached her she was climbing into a very old looking wardrobe. "Wait Lu," said Peter, "let Susan look."

Susan gave him her thanks a lot glare and went into the wardrobe. Trying to act smart I went around to the back, and started knocking on it.

"Lucy the only wood is the back of the wardrobe," said Susan.

"One game at a time Lu we don't all have your imagination," Peter said.

We turn to leave when Lucy cried, "I wouldn't lie about this!"

"That's enough Lucy," said Susan looking very stern, like mother when we've done something very naughty.

"Well I believe you," I said thinking this would be a good joke.

"You do?"Asked Lucy looking puzzled.

"Didn't I tell you about the football field in the bathroom cupboard?" A sneaky smile crept up on my face.

"Oh won't you just shut up," Peter ordered with a glare.

"It was just a joke," I said.

"When will you learn to grow up?" He said as if I was some kid little kid at school annoying him.

He could just make me so mad at times!

"Shut up, you think your dad but you're not," I shouted. Then I ran out of the room. I had to get away...but there was no were to go. I ran to the room Peter and I shared and grabbed the picture of dad from the trunk under my bed. I heard someone coming and not wanting to be caught with the picture again. I stuck it in my pocket and took off down the maze of hallways. Running down one and then down another. Turning this way and that way hoping that no one would find me.

I heard someone call my name, but I didn't turn around. Where could I hide where would no one look for me? I turned down a hallway and came to a dead end. I could hear footsteps as someone drew nearer.

I opened the closest door since there was no were to hide. Frantically I looked around as the footsteps where growing closer and there wasn't even at lock on the door. In desperation I opened the window and thankfully there was a tree growing next to the house there. I climbed out closing the window behind me.

As I watched from my leafy hiding place Susan entered the room I had just climbed out off and looked around. When I was no were in sight she left still calling my name.

I took dad's picture out of my pocket looked at it. It was taken the day he left. He was wearing his uniform and looking really smart in it.

Why did this war have to happen anyways? Why couldn't have things just stayed the same? Everything used to be perfect now it was all so jumbled up that I didn't know what to do! Dad would have known how I should deal with Peter and he could talk to mum and make her feel better. He is the only one who could joke with Susan and get her to laugh. He could always cuddle Lucy and make feel so much better whether she was upset about school or a scrapped knee. I sat there wishing so much that he was here! I wanted to talk to him so badly—to joke with him and play chess.

Figuring it was safe to come out of hiding now stuck the picture back in my pocket and climbed back through the window. Once inside again I headed toward the bedroom. I peeked inside hoping that I would not to find there Peter. To my relief he was no were in sight.

Hiding the picture in my trunk again; I lay on my bed wondering what to do next. I noticed that it was sunny outside now. The others probably went outside to explore after all. Not wanting to run into them again quite yet. I grabbed my book and headed toward the library.


	4. Chapter 3

I'd like to give a special thanks to BlackAngel8621 who has been helping me with my editing

Thanks for the helpful hints

-The Professor

From the moment I stepped into the library I knew that it was going to be, by far, my favorite room in the house. One of the reasons being it was biggest room in the house and the second was that millions of books that lined the oak shelves that stretched all the way to the cathedral ceiling. Scattered throughout the room were overstuffed chairs. Each accompanied by small oak table, a footstool, and a lamp that hovered over them.

I looked through the enormous windows that let in the glorious rays of sunshine, and I was almost able to see the entire estate since I was so high up being on the third floor.

As I looked out I spotted the others over near the Garden. Peter had just lifted Lucy to see inside a birds nest that Susan probably spotted. She could always seek out the little things, it being a needle on the floor or a rabbit running across the yard. They were probably trying to smooth over the whole wardrobe episode from this morning.

Deciding not to let this morning's argument ruin my fun I turned around and setting my book down I started browsing through the first of many shelves. After I looked through a couple of books on history, I pulled out a green book with a shabby binding. It looked like it had been looked through often. On the front was a lion but no ordinary lion; the lion had wings.

"Now who on earth would put wings on a lion," I commented to myself.

Shrugging I pushed it back into place. The moment the book was back in place, a door in the shelves burst open and a tall man in an old brown suit that was much too small for his gangly arms and legs. Appeared and hurried over to one of the shelves on the other side of the room. His white cottony hair and beard that stuck out in all direction, and I could hear him muttering under his breath.

"Where did I that book go? I was sure that I put it right here next to the other books on theology. I bet it was that blasted house keeper again, she is always cleaning out my study and moving my books."

Not quite sure what to do I cleared my throat. He didn't respond just kept searching the shelves. So I tried again, this time a little louder but he was either deaf or was so caught up in his search that he didn't hear me. After a few more minutes of searching he began muttering again.

"Right in the middle of my most important study, and now I have to go searching through the entire library for…"

I finally got his attention, "Excuse me Sir, if you tell me the title of the book or what it looked like I might be able to help you. I am pretty good at looking for things."

Quite startled he turned and peering over his glasses at me he said, "Good gracious, who are you?"

"My name is Edmund Sir, one of the children staying here."

"Where are the others? Are they hiding somewhere nearby?" He asked looking around as if the others would pop out of the walls.

"No sir, they are outside."

"And why aren't you with them?" he asked looking me right in the eyes.

Avoiding his gaze and answered, "We-we… don't exactly get along."

"I was under the impression that you all were siblings," He said thoughtfully sitting down on a chair and motioning me to do the same.

"Yes Sir," I said sheepishly.

"So why is it you don't get along? When I was young families would try figure out our differences."

"It's a rather long story," I said

"I have all afternoon."

"But…but I thought that you had to get back to your work? Weren't you on the verge of a great discovery or something?"

"I can do that later; besides I can't find the book I need," He said putting his feet up on the footstool.

I took a deep breath. I didn't exactly want to tell my troubles to some crazy old professor, who would probably analyze me and write a book about it later. It would probably be titled 'Dissolving Family Disputes' or 'When Siblings Don't Get Along' then again he might be able to help me.

I looked over at him as he waited expectantly and half thought about making something up. Deciding against it I started at the beginning. Telling him about dad going to war, and all of us missing him, how mum is always worrying now about dad and us, and about how Peter is always being a beast.

The whole time the professor just sat across from me listening and nodding. When I finished he just sat there a minute thinking. Then he got up, walked across the room and pulled out a book from one of the many shelves.

"You're welcome in the library any time just don't let my house keeper hear about it," He said as he walked back toward me. "You might like this book it was always one of my favorites, but don't hold my word to that I do have many." He handed me the book.

"Favorites I mean I do like many different kinds of books so…" When he continued I just stared at him blankly as he rambled on.

"Oh, never mind," He said when he finally saw that he had me confused.

I looked down at the book as the Professor turned and headed back toward his study. The title read _'The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby.'_ Just then I remembered the Professors reason for coming into the study in the first place.

"Didn't you say that you were looking for a book?" I called after him

"Why yes! Yes I was," He popped his head back into the library, "You didn't happen to find it did you?"

"Um…I might be able to tell you if I come across it if you tell me the name of it."

"It is a book on myths and legends and it should be in that area over there but I can't seem to locate it," He said motioning in the direction he had been searching when he entered. "It has a picture of what looks like a lion with wings. It is actually called a griffin. It is a rare specimen that is said…"

As he rambled on about the flying lion thing I walked over to the shelf I was looking through earlier.

"Do you mean this one?" I said as I pulled it out of the shelf.

"Yes! That's the one I have been searching my study all morning for it," He said walking over and examining it, "However did you find it?"

"I was just looking through the shelves and I just kind of came across it," I shrugged and handed it to him.

"Well thank you very much young man," He said, "If you had not come across it I might have search through the entire library before finding it. Would you like me to show you what I am working on?" He asked motioning toward his study

"No that's alright I think that maybe I should be going. I'll let you get back to your um…well whatever it is your working on."

"Very well" He said with a sigh, "I know it probably doesn't sound interesting to you. I do hope you enjoy your book though." He added as I turned to leave

"Thanks" I replied "I'm going to start it right away"

And that's just what I did…


End file.
